The Confusion in the Head.

Do you ever feel like you give your all to someone who just takes you completely for granted? I'm sure you have. I'm sure you were angry, hurt, and just kept questioning as to why. Honestly, because why in the world would someone push away your good favors and brush you off like you are nothing to them and have never done anything in your life? Well, I am completely and insanly sure that this is the way that God feels about me. I used to be the girl who was in love with Him, just Him & only Him. My worldly desires have gotten the best of me lately. Don't get me wrong, I love my God. I do not honor Him the way he diserves though. Why? Because I'm human. I know what's right, yet I do what's wrong. Romans 7 describes perfectly the way I feel.

School's hard but it's good. I've found out I am a science/math person, and I'm a fan of this discovery. My friends at school, even though I don't see them as much anymore are most definitly awesome. They get me through it. Haha, we're having a Bones marathon this weekend. And you know dats rightttt.

My weekends been good. Spent it with my BFF & going to soccer tournaments. My last "3" games ever. Not that I played anything but goalie. It was cool though. Our team has surely improved, I just wish I could have been out on that field. These headaches make me mad, but not as mad as when I hear my brother telling me he's also getting them when he plays. I'd rather take that hit. Our team came in 3rd in our flight, not that we diserved it. Haha. Zukies team also came in 3rd, but trust me, they diserved second. That reff was the devil. Stupid woman. Whatever, hopefully he'll be playing club next year and will get a break. I had fun this weekend. I am SO soar, sunburnt, & tired. I really wanted to break my leg. At least I'll never stop being surrounded by soccer, as long as Z keeps playing. That makes me glad.

This week should be okay, I don't get to hang out with Steph Monday or Tuseday. That sounds pathetic. Haha. We usually get to hang out every day though for at least 30 minutes. I can live though. Things scare me soemtimes. Like seeing others loose/strugle/not understand their faith. It takes away from me a little bit each time. However, to see that moment of recovery, of regainment, and rejoice is all worth it. Hopefully it comes sooner then later though.

Whateva whateva life is still good. Lent is going... decently. I've been letting my praying knees get way to lazy though. I can't get as close with God as I once was and sometimes that... is a little.... weird. Time to go watch Zukie play COD until I haveta go to bed. I'm legit gunna be dead tomorrow. It's gunna be brutal. Only like a month or so though until Spring Break. Dats rightttt. Oh junior year....


Godspeed.

Why? I’ll tell you why. Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures, just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some — they just give up hope because, in their mind, they’re thinking, ‘Oh, there’s nobody out there for me,’ but all of us we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while…every once in a while, two people meet and there’s that spark, and, yes, Bones, he’s handsome and she’s beautiful and maybe that’s all they see at first, but making love…making love…that’s when two people become one.
-Special Agent Seely Booth.

Now that would have been a good Valentines day post. :)
Anywho, I've had a pretty good... Life. What? 200/200 on my Chem test, 51/50 on my math... Scoreeee. If only I could do that good on the SATs, what? Anywho. I have the best friend in Stephanie Harp, and the best brother ever: Zukie. Also, ZJ. :) Life is difficult, but we make it work. I've actually got it quite easy. None the less, Junior year is buttlove. I just need to get through the CPT sometime this month, the ACT April 10th, and the SAT again May 1st. Oh, atleast I've got my God. Without Him I am not even here. Luckily, I do have Him. :) Ash Wednesday is... this Wednesday. Time to give some stuff up that is hindering my relationship with the Morning star. The four year anniversery of my baptism is friday. Febuary 19th. I can not believe it's been four years. This is the year that I doubted that on that day I could say my relationship with my God has improved, but I can say that we are closer now. I can say that now. I'll never fall out of love with You.

♥

It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space. - Bones
Yeah, but what’s important is we try, and when we do it right, we get close. - Booth
To what? Breaking the laws of physics? - Bones
Yeah, Bones — a miracle. - Booth

Sometimes...

Sometimes people walk out of your life. I consider those people to be unforgivable jerks. You know what I say to them?: You know what!? You know what!? Hey! Never come back here again, okay!? On a more serious note, who is a person to all of a sudden pick up and leave? Am I being hypocritical, yes. I just don't understand how us humans could be so heartless. I hate my dad, but at least he's never left me. Whem someone leaves it hurts, whether it is subconsious or not. They don't even have to go far, they can be around you all the time, but when you look into their eyes, you don't see that person you once shared your heart with. You no longer can find truth in their words, and love on their face. That just hurts.

My life has been facing a lot of ups and downs lately. Nevertheless, God is the dominant part of my life, and when he continues to be, then I continue to have an everlasting joy in my heart taht goes no where. My darkest moments are never to dark when I acknowledge God's presence in my life. Never ceases to amaze me.

I have the greatest family. I have a really grand best friend. I've got the best buddys in my faith. I've basically got it goin' on... However, sometimes things get bad. Sometimes things are harder then they should be.

"Num Nummmm" - Me.

"That's bad, right?" - Neil.

"No...." - Katie & I.

"Oh well I thought good was yum yum. What's bad then?" - Neil.

"Num noooooooooo!" - Katie & I.

Anyways, things have secretly, SECRETLY, been going well lately. Only in secret though. I'm just very happy right now. I think that God's love will conqure all. Even though sometimes I don't know how to believe or how to live out Gods will.. I think it will all unfold. Whatever anything means anymore. I don't know what I say sometimes...

Sometimes people walk into your life, they don't have to be a big part of it to have a huge impact on it. You can see them once or twice, know them for years, or live with them for a lifetime. The people who come in, the people who stay, the people who have made a difference.. Those are the ones who matter.

Sometimes forgiveness is neccissary for the people who walk out. It was most likely for the better. "If you find someone you can trust, hold onto them". They'll let you down, and it'll hurt like hell to love them, but I think you know that it's best to have them there... by your side. Even when they leave, even when they betray you, even when they break your heart...

"wouldn't it be nice to leave it open ended & pretend it could go either way..."

I will leave it open ended, because I'm not quite sure how to finish it.

He's not finished with me yet.

♥

P.S. I really love being "April Mills". :)

It's all about You,

it's not about me.

not much of a blog post,
but at least i have a blog.
whatever the heck that means.

I'm so gangster,

I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of, ya see? :)


Well I've had a bit of a crazy weekend. I turned seventeen, and I've never had a better birthday. My school friends spoiled me up the butt and I probably gained five pounds. I even got to be "that girl with the obnoxious balloon." :) Then I hung out with the Harp (alllllllll weekend) and we just laughed. I had dinner with the fam, and of course it was great. My mom got me glorious presents which had me questioning if she was my boyfriend. Haha. Big joke, but seriously, diamond earings mother? Then, Katie the creeper Brown sent me on a scavanger hunt. Which had me go to Rogo's house (which was probably my favorite part, because he's the funniest person alive. Downing popcorn like there is no tomorrow.) to Windseths, to the Russerts, to Stephs, then all the way back to the church where Miley Cyrus was boomin' and there were Christmas lights, Hannah balloons and greatness. Haha. I litterally am surrounded by the greatest people.


Saturday was more laid back, but a day of realization.
1. Car accidents are serious. Honestly, I never noticed how careful you need to be when driving. I also didn't notice how much it freaked me out to have Steph get into an accident. Honestly, at the scene of the acident, my insides had a melt down. That's not the point though. "Dipstick" is all I will say.


Okay, so not that much of a realization. Sunday I went to Journey and wanted to vomit all over everyone. However, then I hung out at Stephs for the day and Davy is just my favorite little boy ever! :) So adorable. Steph, Momster, Zuk, and I went out to Olive Garden. I almost got hit. Haha. Ridiculous old men backing straight into you no matter how many times you honk your horn. Dude, Steph's moving into her new appartment soon. Work out room & Pool. Can you say tan & skinny!? Victory! It was a crazy weekend, but all the stress was off and it felt great.
The stress is back on now, and it is ridiculous how hard second semester is in comparison to the first. I just got to seriously buckle down, like right now. Time to go dominate Huck Finn.


Southern Voice - Tim McGraw. JAMMER.
Haaa. Peace in the Mid-Ramen east. :)