rather do without
just hold a smile
I've got a lot going on in my heart lately, but I've noticed lately I don't ever want to talk about it. I mean, I'm sure if someone offered to listen, I'd love to go on a rampage and draw a lot of attention to myself, because quite frankly I do enjoy attention. I'm sure it would be better to talk, but lately I just feel like if no one wants to hear it, that's cool. I mean, yeah, I have friends who'd care to hear about my burdons but, why trouble them? I'm being totally contradictory to the person I was in the past, but I just don't feel like it's a big deal anymore. I just don't want to break down over every simple thing. I just feel like I care way to much about people who don't give a 'jit' about me. I'm just not going to deal with that anymore.
"So you want me to tell you something about myself? I don't have anything to say. Even if I did you'd be wrong to believe me. Trust is a lie. Nobody ever knows any more."
- Nathan Scott
Anyways, I don't want to talk about it. Writing in a blog and a works document are two completely different things, I'm still not very real writing in a blog. So, I've come to the conclusion this is pretty pointless. Maybe I'm PMSing or maybe I really am just angry today. I'm actually very angry cause I don't know how to do Hope freakin' online, and I have so much homework and I don't know what I'm going to wear this week and I think I have a cold and I don't want swine flu and you know, I used to be a REALLY big fan of friendship. Friends were VERY important to me, everything about them, ya know? I loved having friends, I always wanted a good friend, a best friend, I always wanted to be the good friend someone would come to if they needed me. I've come to the conclusion I DON'T CARE. No one needs me as a friend, friends I've had for years don't seem to care. Okay, Okay, I'm being very selective here. I do have some who care, but assume we're excluding them. Does anyone on a deep, real level actually care anymore!? I'm quite convinced they don't? Arn't most things we do as humans selfish anyways? Do we even care about the people around us? Even me, sometimes I just I don't care that much, I matter more then others around me. You would think though, if you cared about someone as much as I've cared about people, you would want NOT to hurt them. Nope, apparently not. People are jerks. I've come to the conclusion.
"People are going to disappoint you. I get that.I kind of expect that. But i don’t know; what if you wake up one day and realize that you are the disappointment?"
-Peyton Sawyer
Well, maybe this is me letting it out. I really never know until a few days later, what I am feeling. Anyways. Kids keep surrounding me and I feel as though they are looking over my shoulder, and I can't write with that. This clearly wasn't a very profound post, it was spur of the moment and what came out of it, I don't really control that, or maybe I do. Things really arn't to bad in my life, haha, I was told I'm over dramatic today, THANKS STEPH. That, however, was only about the swine flu. On a GREAT note I got a new scent today! If you think I smell Very Sexy... I've got my reasoning. HAHA. Actually today I was drowning my oh so many sorrows in shopping. I don't remember what my sorrows were, oh! Probably that all my TV shows are going straight to Hell! Jayyykayyy, but really. Oh, I'm just frustrated.
I should probably quit ranting, but that would mean me moving on to doing homework, and I'm afraid that once I stop writing, my point of veiw will change on life, and then this post will be worth nothing, because I'm actually gunna go hang out with some pretty neat kids and do homework. Or as I would say, a fun fest. I've got a 4-day week of school to look forward too! Wednesday I get to see Mrs. Beckett & Steph! Then this weekend, RTU, hopefully that will be... good. Hopefully Steph will go, because if she dosn't I'll probably have to bring a shotgun with me....
Alright. Time to buckle down and get to work. Ha, I'm really funny guys. Kate Voegele is my new fav! Oh, and Lizzie McGuire is coming back on Disney Channel FULL TIME, WHAT UP.
Watch that, you will honestly laugh.
I can't let you bring me down anymore.
Peace, have a good week. <3
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