Thursday, December 31, 2009

The time has come.

I need to say goodbye to 2009, although, I really am not into "talking to years". That's not the point though. Two thousand and nine has been a very hard year for me. I lost my way a little and wasn't sure if I could ever find it back, but I did. With loving people around me and a God that I would be nothing without. Things are still a little shaky sometimes but moving forward seems to be the way to go. I didn't "find out who I am" this year, but whoever that girl is, got tested like crazy. I'd like to say I will be stronger because of this year. I've had people that I loved walk out of my life like I was nothing, and I've been treated like dirt, but on some occasions, bad memories just can be washed away by the upcoming of beautiful things. I saw God this year so much, it's outstanding actually what that man can do. I went to Chrysalis, Warren W. Willis (twice!), Hillsong United Concert, Rock the Universe, and all of these areas where I saw God were just with my youth group. There were plenty of unexplainable times where I saw Him individually and it was so breathtaking. Beauty was by far abundant this year and all given to me from Him. Things have changed a lot this year, and things will continue to change, but I am hoping, like most people would hope, that it would be for the better.

Resolutions? Not so sure about those yet. Last year I was a fanatic about making them, but this year it doesn't seem so important, my life is not based on what the year "brings to me", it is what I bring to myself and what my God puts in my life. Things will be hard, I know that, but a resolution can't save me from that.

I just want to be the best person that I can be.
I don't want to be depended on others, but only on my Savior.
I want to stop being such a hater, towards myself and others.
I need to forgive people, but not let them trample me again.

If those sound like resolutions to you, then maybe that's what they are. To me, it's things I've always wanted... this is just a time where a "clean slate" could, i presume, be given to me.

2010, I have no idea what will occur this year. I know that I'll turn seventeen. (GETTING OLD.) I'll be starting my senior year of high school. I'll have my last year attending Warren W. Willis summer camp. That's really all I know, the rest of it is opened with... possibilities.

Today's I need not to only say goodbye to 2009, but also, '08, '07, and '06. Years I've been holding onto much to tightly. They're over now. Some of them are filled with wonderful memories but I cannot let those memories hold me back anymore from being the person that I want to become. I'm smarter then I was then, I'm better then I was then. Letting go of these years, these priceless years, will not kill me. I need to remember what I learned from them. I learned so much within' these past four years. Met Jesus Christ. Made friendships that I didn't know could actually be a real life thing, even if those friends are not in my life any more. I've been places and done things that I would never expect myself to have done. I've grown up. Not to say I'm done growing up, because if that was so... well, I'd be in a pickle.

I just need the reassurance, whether I have to give it to myself or wait for someone else to tell me, that everything is going to be okay. That my past can be buried. That I am who I am, and regrets arn't worth it.

"It's my life, I'm taking a stand." - James Lucas Scott.

I'm April Mills, and I've got to much to loose.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way that you can stand up under it. - 1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV

Then again, maybe that, right there is all I needed to hear.

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