Mmmmm.

Just sitting around... Doing Zukie's homework. No big deal. It's been a crazy twenty-four hours.

How can God even think of being so good to us, I don't know, I guess He's just that good. He is. It's beautiful to see how far we have come. Our youth group, and the individual people within it. It is absolutely amazing to see that he has carried me this far. Our relationship, God & I's, has never been like this before. It's never like... I sit up and cry every night and every morning because of how thankful I am for his being in my life. Okay, I'm being slightly over dramatic. Without a doubt though, there's been tears shed the past few nights and mornings. I'm finally getting back to praying, and worshiping in general. It's just this amazing feeling, but I think I am doing something incredibly different then the last time that I fell in love with Him: I'm not ignoring all the problems around me, I don't just tune them out, I'm actually realising that just because He's in my life doesn't mean I can shut the world out, I can talk to Him about it. I finally have so many sisters & brothers in Christ too that I can talk to and just share my life and faith with and it is an incredible feeling. Sometimes things hurt, I'm clearly still human, and they hurt for a while and knowing God is with me does not immediately take those feelings away, but these are things I have to slowly learn and experience.

Last night at youth group, a lot of us shared our testimonies. It's one of those moments that I didn't realise could happen between those walls. I figured it was something that could only happen when we're in a far away town, but it's not. He was in that place. I found it inspiring that all these people, we are actually... united through God. I forget sometimes. I just forget so much, and I am scared of forgetting again.

"no room for fear, only faith."

It's something I wasn't expecting, and it's something I can't write down, let alone say out loud. Usually I go to school on Thursdays ready to face the world, the aftermath of Wednesdays. Today however, not so much. It turns out making God famous scares me, because the fear of being accepted still overtakes me a lot, it shouldn't. It's not about me.... but it does effecft me. You call it pride, I call it Satan. I finally have friends in school, and I know "they're not real friends if they don't accept you for who you are", but that's not what it is. I know they'll accept me, it's just different... I'm going to take this slow. I've got a lot to learn. Just when you think you know something... ;)

Nevertheless, I remain amazed on what He can do. How he can turn peoples lives upside down completely. Everything... so fantastic. In this moment, this moment of looking back and realising how things have changed, how all the hell that we bared is worth it! Now, because of what we suffered, we've ended up here. Now, we can be who we are.

"Sophomore year... right!?" Haha, I love those people.

I'm just consumed by Him, and I love seeing other people consumed by Him too. Oh, and Jasmin was there, so I was excited. We were BOOMIN'. =] I think it's even more amazing, not more amazing, but... inspiring, surely, that not only do I see these people and see God, but... some of these people see God when they see me, it's insanity. It's so reassuring to see these peoples faith's blossom.

Just some crap that I randomly write before bed.... what? ...

Okay... one thing.

I can see it coming

I see through your eyes

Like I see through this world

Your heart is defected

Your feelings artificial

You draw a line

Because you think crossing it may lead to questions

That you don't' want to answer

You don't even want it

You never even wanted it,

Why are you here?

Surely, you're not one of us.

We're starving for truth

Your idea of truth is a fake smile

And laughs that won't last

You talk to build yourself up

But you can't even see

What you're doing to yourself,

What you are doing to me

I've experienced this betrayal before,

But I expected more from you

I thought your eyes could see what is real

But your heart won't open enough to ever let in what you'll need one day

You underestimate this power

That I can't live without

You underestimate me

And all you do is doubt

I won't live with this burden

It can't be worth the pain to come

You can't answer my question truthfully

Brave your own self

For the life filled with unhappiness

That you have to come

Mm, a little mean, a little true. Needs some more work, and not grammatically correct at all. But, please, tell me why I should always be so down on myself? Oh wait, I shouldn't. Thanks, Alex Waldron for inspiring me to share, in the smallest ways that I don't think you know.

I'm refusing to go back and reread this before I post, so if it just sounds like a bunch of gibberish, it's not, but who cares. God's so good.

"Your daughter's in love,
You've won Your children!"

Goodnight. =]